1. Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
2. Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
3. Take my advice — I'm not using it.
4. I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
5. Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.
6. Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
7. I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.