Use Your Eyes

When you look directly at another person’s eyes, your energy and openness are communicated. If you’re not skilled at doing this, just train yourself to look directly at their eyes and note the eye color. Their brain will sense your brain’s attitude through electromagnetic or Em waves, so decide in advance the attitude you want to project—negative or positive, insecure or confident, disaffirming or affirming, powerless or powerful, bored or interesting, incompetent or competent. Status and power are nonverbally conveyed by the use of height and space. Standing tall (even if you’re short), pulling your shoulders back, and holding your head up are signals of confidence and competence. Remember, you have 1/10^th of a second in which to make an initial impression—likely reinforced in the next 6/10^th to 9/10^th seconds. If you know what you are doing, 1/10^th of a second is all you need to make a positive and memorable impression.

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Nonverbal Touch

In this time of new or unusual infectious diseases, "To shake or not to shake", that is my question.

A good question. Studies have shown that the fastest and most effective way to establish rapport is to shake hands. Studies have shown that it can take an average of three hours of continuous interaction to achieve the same level of rapport you can get with a handshake. What to do? Some people are moving to the ‘fist bump.’ Most brains quickly pick up on that move and respond. You may want to carry a little bottle of hand disinfectant or some wipes with you. After a spate of handshaking or fist bumping a little hand disinfectant and you are good to go. Leaning in slightly while you shake or bump can indicate that you are engaged or interested in the connection—as long as you respect the other person’s personal space. The generally recognized average comfortable ‘space’ zone is about two (2) feet. I prefer fist bumps to elbow bumps, as a fist bump is more likely to avoid invading personal space. 

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Selling Body Language

Body language is all about selling yourself. What are you are selling? Hiring choices in companies are often made based on body language. Nonverbal cues are estimated to have over four times the impact of verbal cues on the impression you make. The impression you make on others can have ramifications for years to come. The ‘universal sign’ of acknowledgement is said to be the ‘eyebrow flash.’ You can raise an eyebrow slightly or open your eyes a bit more than normal to simulate the ‘eyebrow flash.’ No surprise, smiling is another positive nonverbal. A genuine smile indicates friendliness, approachability, and an invitation to converse. Naturally, raising an eyebrow or offering a genuine smile is predicated on whether or not one’s face lift or Botox injection permits that much facial movement. If not, you’ll need to rely more on how you dress and other nonverbals such as the amount of warmth in your tone of voice, position of arms and legs, or the quality of your handshake or fist bump. 

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“Nose” Body Language

Body language starts in the brain, of course, and can reveal a variety of things about you when others are watching. According to psychologist Michael Cunningham, a professor of communication at the University of Louisville, your blood pressure tends to rise when you are telling a lie. Tiny blood vessels in your nose known as capillaries tend to dilate as your blood pressure rises, allowing more blood to flow through them. Lying can also trigger an adrenalin rush that dilates nose capillaries. Increased blood flow can make your nose feel itchy, which prompts you to touch it. (Typically, you rub your nose more vigorously when you have a genuine nose itch unrelated to lying.) If the person you are talking with knows this piece of brain trivia and you are touching your nose often, it might suggest deception. An exception might be a sociopath whose brain fails to register truth from fiction, so blood pressure might not rise or there may be no adrenalin rush.

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Pay Attention to Body Language

Why is body language so important if people tend to look at faces first?

Think about what you notice when first looking at someone’s face. Your peripheral vision takes in more than just the face. The eyes also take in body language. The type of body language that makes a better impression can be learned. The type you choose even can change your body chemistry. Closed body language i.e., crossed arms, crossed legs at the knee, tends to be viewed as defensive. (Perhaps that’s one reason portraits of Royal Women such as Queen Elizabeth II never show crossed legs at the knee.) A slumped compact position at a desk appears unempowering and uninterested. The opposite styes are empowering. Gesturing with palms up appears open and friendly; palms down suggests dominance. Standing with legs slightly apart suggests self-confidence. According to Amy Cuddy, “Our nonverbals govern how other people think and feel about us.” She suggests practicing empowering body language and “Fake it until you become it.”

A new audio podcast is posted every Saturday morning

https://anchor.fm/arlene-r-taylor

A new video podcast is posted every Saturday morning

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Learned or Innate

 

Can you give me an example of innate body language?

Body language does appear to be innate. If heathy, all infants exhibit the “startle reflex” if they suddenly feel as if they might fall or be dropped. It seems to be built into the emotional expression systems of both brain the body, although not all brains exhibit emotions the same. For example, some brains tear up at the drop of a hat. Some almost never shed tears. Studies done by researchers from British Columbia observed athletes at the Paralympics. Picture two athletes, side-be-side, one with visual sight and one congenitally blind. After winning, both athletes automatically exhibited the same body language to express pleasure at winning, the sighted and the non-sighted.  

Second Impression

Is it true you never get a second chance to make a good first impression?

Do the math. There is only one “first” of anything. What impression are you wanting to make about yourself? Think about what your brain tells you when you first meet others? How does their appearance factor into your 1^st impression? The same may be true for others who are seeing you for the first time. For example, I never go out with my hair uncombed or in rollers. I am not particularly “casual” in my dress so you would never see me in jeans and a T-shirt. I usually wear makeup to define my pale skin. When meeting someone, I typically smile. The brain tends to make a different assessment when a face is smiling rather than angry, grim, or even stoic. Hand-shaking may becoming a thing of the past. However, I am very comfortable with a fist pump. A willingness to “touch” suggests openness and affirmation.

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