Brain & Adult Attachment

Many people say they want to be happy. Many also say they want to be in a close relationships, to love someone and to be loved in return. Achieving this, however, can be somewhat elusive, especially in today’s electronic and mobile styles of living. In fact, some say that achieving close adult friendships is becoming even more difficult. The reason? In this modern era, mobility is often required: relocating for school, relocating for work, relocating due to ill or dependent family members, relocating for a better job or just to start over again somewhere else. When people move around a great deal, they tend to develop somewhat of a “disposable” attitude toward objects. New research has found that this disposable attitude may also carry over into the area of friendship, making even close social ties also seem more disposable. More tomorrow.

Brain Defrazzled, 4

What is your track record with celebration frazzlement? I figure ‘a rat race is for rats only,’ and although a family member called me a ‘rat’ for failing to meet expectations, I’m way past any angst. It was just that brain’s opinion and has little or nothing to do with mine. In ‘The world According to Mister Rogers,’ Fred Rogers handed everyone a gift when he calmly reminded children as well as adults: In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers. In fact, there is no answer until you’ve identified and asked the question . . . I asked the questions about what celebrations really mean to me and how I wanted to observe or participate in them. Then I answered those questions—and that has made a difference. In the final analysis, living defrazzled—in a state of defrazzlement—is fabulous. It’s De-Lovely, De-Lightful…

Brain Defrazzled, 3

“Defrazzled? Is that a word?” Of course! It describes a state of being neither weary nor exhausted nor anxious nor distressed. I’ve been using it for several years whether or not it’s listed in any dictionary. And then there’s the word defrazzle. After all, if you can frazzle you can take steps to defrazzle. That’s what I did when I finally got the picture of how to live a healthier Longevity Lifestyle. Defrazzle, Defrazzled, Defrazzlement . . . I could go on. Anyway, these words make me laugh. When I became serious about defrazzling (there’s another one), I bit the bullet with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote: The ancestor of every action is a thought. What were my thoughts? Basically, the critical importance of trying to meet—if not exceed—expectations, including trying to keep everyone happy (which can never happen) whether or not that allowed for my life to stay in balance. I had to de-link from those all-too-predictable expectations. And an ounce of “think-ahead prevention” turned out to be worth 100 pounds of cure after the fact.

Brain Frazzled, 2

There was a time when I, too, lived, breathed, and slept brain frazzled, and it didn’t always have to do with year-end celebrations, either. You can only get out of a trap when you figure out that you’re in one—and take steps to change that. As I learned more about brain function I decided enough was enough. (And avoid texting me to say it’s impossible to get out of the trap. If I could do it—the way I was raised—anyone can!) In a nutshell, the term brain frazzled has everything to do with expectations; yours as well as those of others. It often results from running on the treadmill of life and failing to take time to analyze not only what is really important to you personally but also how you can extract the meaning of a celebration without getting immersed in all the merchandizing, decorating, and partying melodrama. The paradox is that being brain frazzled can occur from following ‘traditions,’ giving little if any thought to whether or not they work for you—if ever they did.

Brain Frazzled

By request ...  The phone rang and the voice asked, “Aren’t you completely brain frazzled?” I chuckled. “If your definition of ‘frazzled’ is a state of being weary or exhausted or anxious or distressed, the answer is no. I definitely am not brain frazzled. “But it’s New Year’s eve!” the voice continued. “So it is, so it is,” I replied. “And your point would be?” A loud sigh by way of response, quickly followed by: “I’m always unmitigatedly frazzled as the year end approaches. It happens annually. I’ve just come to expect it. Nothing I can do about it.” Another large sigh. “Well,” I responded, “if you are expecting frazzled, your brain will bend over backwards to give you frazzled. It can only do what it thinks it can do and apparently you’ve taught it that it can be frazzled.” Now the voice blazed: “I called to get some sympathy and all I’m getting is ‘Brain Talk.’” I chuckled again—couldn’t help it. You have my empathy, but Brain Talk’ has saved my life. Try it. You just might like it. More tomorrow.

Brain Scans, 2

Brain Scans on individuals identified as having an Anxious (A) attachment style showed increased activation in brain areas associated with emotional arousal and decreased activation in areas that exercise control over emotional arousal. When asked to stop thinking about the situation, each group used a different strategy. Those with an Anxious (A) attachment style thought about a similar (although different) situation that continued the emotional arousal. Individuals identified as have an Avoidant (B) attachment style thought about something neutral that did not trigger emotional arousal. Individuals with a Secure (C) attachment style focused their thoughts on a happy experience or a time when they were in a “happy place” or environment. Compared with those were secure, the scans also revealed that people who were highly insecure had a smaller hippocampus, similar to that seen in the brains of individuals who experience PTSD from traumatic events. 

Happy New Year!

It’s actually New Year’s and all through the house,

Excitement is high—of course there’s no mouse!

Just the sound of my brain texting “Old year is past,

Imagine new opportunities vast!”

My stocking once hung from the mantle with care,

Is back on the foot that was formerly bare.

The sun shining brightly has dispelled the fog,

A very good thing as it looked like eggnog!

Another good meal is about to be served,

From left-overs that were carefully preserved.

The reheated dishes from holiday fare,

Account for the wonderful smells in the air.

It’s been a very productive year,

And I’m sure we’ll do even more, no fear.

As life is uncertain with no guarantee,

Please know how I value what you are to me.

Make time to remember, take time to renew,

It’s a brand new page for the you-who-is-you!

So here is my wish for this upcoming year—spend quality time with those you hold dear.