Pandemic Challenges, 2

Pandemic Challenges, 2

Anecdotal reports are that people being cooped up together in relatively small quarters when they have not been accustomed to that, can create conflict and dysfunctional behaviors. No surprise. Put a dozen rats in a tiny space and they start biting each other, or worse. When children are present, they can be caught in the middle of parental arguing and fighting and be themselves abused and traumatized at the worst. A recent study has revealed the long-term impact of abuse and trauma for children. For example, both violence and abuse are linked to faster biological aging. This is shown by changes in brain structure, early onset of puberty, and cellular aging. In addition, the changes in brain structure include a thinner later of cortex, the outside layer of the brain. This thinner cortex is linked to dementia. I have seen that happen—and older person (one who was beaten every day during childhood for small infractions) who develops symptoms of dementia soon after retirement when there was no familial history of that.  More tomorrow.

Pandemic Challenges

 

Pandemic Challenges

For every action there is a reaction. For every plus, there is a minus. You always give up something to get something. Period. Everything you do involves a decision. To decide not to make a decision, not to choose, is in itself a decision. Some of the challenges involve spending more time together than you may have done in the past. This will also surface how each person deals with change—especially unwanted change. Sit down together and draw up some parameters, so each has some alone time. Decide how you will use some of the other chunks of time. Hopefully, especially if you have children, you will agree to eat meals together. Divorce filings have reportedly risen, although one always looks at statistics with a somewhat jaundiced eye because you can tweak them so they say almost anything. One couple reported that after a month of togetherness, they decided they didn’t really even like each other all that much. Too bad. Be really honest with each other and dig to find what was the initial attraction. If it was primarily sexual, that intensity tends to fall off in 12-18 months if not sooner. What do you admire about each other. Anything? Do you want to work learning to know yourself and each other or not?

Pandemic Pluses, 5

Pandemic Pluses, 5

If you are a parent working remotely, this is also a good opportunity to teach boundary-setting, and to set your own boundaries. Some children are content to play quietly on the floor near a parent. Depending on the age of the child, you can set a timer for a specific period. During that time, the parent works, if remote working is occurring. When the timer goes off, the child gets a few minutes of playing with the parents or some other favorite activity. This can teach delayed gratification as well as looking forward to a favorite activity. The sky is the limit. Success begins with a mindset, however. The way in which you view this pandemic and how creatively you approach “what is,” will be lessons that will remain with your child for a lifetime.

Pandemic Pluses, 4

 

Pandemic Pluses, 4

During any enforced working remotely or sequestering, this gives parents and child(ren) a chance to spend much more time together than ordinarily is possible. That does not mean you must spend every waking moment entertaining a child. It does mean that you provide safe and interesting toys for them and perhaps audiobooks they can listen to while they are playing. If they are old enough to do simple jig-saw puzzles or build with Legos, a story playing in the background can be very helpful and even engaging. Variety is key. The brain loves variety. The research reinforced the need to vary the types of play children have access to, and mothers can, of course, support physical play with young children as well. Perhaps you can have a special toy or game for each day of the week—one the child can look forward to, so the days do not all run together. More tomorrow.

Pandemic Pluses, 3

Pandemic Pluses, 3

It is interesting to hear from children and teens what is important to them. For example, a common thread is, “We all get to eat together at the table. That never used to happen.” And in the typical “both parents work outside the home” households, that may be true. It’s feed and dress the kids, get them out the door to the babysitter or school, and grab a donut to eat on the way to work. The human brain is a relational brain. Make mealtime a fun time. No disciplining, no rehearsing of less than desirable behaviors, no lectures, no disparaging remarks. Do active listening. Look at the child while listening. This helps them feel that what they say is important to you. They may come out with some very interesting comments, too, because they watch adults carefully. More tomorrow

Pandemic Pluses, 2

 

Pandemic Pluses, 2

 Time and interaction with fathers are more important than many have believed. Some fathers work hard to give their children “things” the parent never had. Some of that is great. Time, however, is the greatest gift and it is the only gift a father can give to his child. No one else can give that for him. Many parents play with their children every day. Studies show that generally fathers play more physically with their children. They lift babies and toddlers up in the air more. Depending on the age of the child fathers use more rough-and-tumble wrestling and play. Not only do these children tend to have stronger levels of self-control, they are less likely to have emotional and behavioral problems later on. They also have a lower risk of hyperactivity. Even into adult years, children tend to remember which parent played with them and what they played. Who knew? More tomorrow.

Pandemic Pluses

 

Pandemic Pluses

During a pandemic, are there any positives for kids?

There can be many positives. Not only for kids, but for parents and grandparents. Everyone is there together. What a great opportunity for play. For example, a study just released a few weeks ago reported on research about the link between father-child play and self-control skills. Self-control is repeatedly found to be vital for success in relationships, work, and even for good mental health. Four decades of research revealed that people whose fathers played with them more as chlidren tend to grow up with stronger levels of self-control. Play is the work of children and play with parents is important. However, up to the age of about three, playiing with their father appears to have a signigant beneficial efffect.  Several reasons for this were cited in the abstract.  More tomorrow.