Self-Evaluation First

I was told that relationships tend to seek their own level much as water seeks its own level. Can that possibly be true?

That sounds about right. Relationships do tend to form ‘at their own level.’ People tend to be attracted to those who are at similar levels of personal development, emotional intelligence, self-actualization, and morality. It can be helpful to periodically step back and evaluate yourself as a potential friend with as much objectivity as possible. The characteristics you value and exhibit in your own life, tend to be seen in the individuals you find attractive and who, in turn, find you attractive. Evaluate your close relationships. Not to ‘throw them away,’ per se. You only have room for quality time with a few close friends, however, and it is critical to select with care who you want as your Plus Four and family-of-choice. Evaluating relationships can be key to your health, happiness, longevity, and success. Imagine that you’re looking at yourself from the perspective of a third person who wants to be friends with you. Would you match your description of a desirable relationship? More Tomorrow.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

It has been said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and it can be a challenge to decide which is which, especially if you have not defined the characteristics you value in a relationship. You do not want a relationship with everyone you meet and not everyone wants one with you. That’s a given because brains are so different, and everything begins in the brain. This is not a race to collect people, it’s a measured journey to surround yourself with a few top-quality individuals that you’d like to have around for a lifetime—enjoying (where possible) the ones who pop into your life to help coach you or just for a measured period of time. A colleague advises people to write down their definition of a desirable relationship and then compare that against your relationships. Interestingly, the more dysfunctional (or addictive) a relationship, the more difficult it can be to be objective. I suggest you compare your definition with yourself. More Tomorrow.

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Who Are Your Plus Four?

Identify your Plus Four along with their commonly exhibited behaviors and key characteristics. Did you select them, or did they select you? Do they drain or energize you? Do you want to be like them? Your Plus Four directly impacts who you are and affect how you behave, even when you’re not aware of it. Studies have shown that within about three years, you tend to mimic the behaviors of those with whom you hang out. If you are in relationships in which you are not really helping yourself nor anybody else, you are likely not being the best you can be and, therefore, not being the best you can be to them, either. If they do not encourage and enable you to become a better person, you may need to reduce the amount of time spent with them. And if they are seriously dragging you down, abusing you or encouraging you to abuse yourself (e.g., enabling serious addictive behaviors), you may need to find a healthier and more occurring positive replacement. According to Mark Chernoff, “You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with; so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down.”

Happy Valentine’s Day

Who started Valentine’s Day?

 In A.D. 270, two men named “Valentine” were imprisoned in February. One, a priest, defied Claudius II who had outlawed marriage for soldiers. The priest married soldiers anyway in secret.  When caught and sent to prison the priest came to love the jailor’s blind daughter and wrote her a loving message. He signed it, “Your Valentine.” The other man, also named ‘Valentine’, rescued many Christians from the Romans until he, too was put in prison. So maybe Valentine’s Day honors both of these Valentines. The first association with romantic love is said to have come from Geoffrey Chaucer, said to be the greatest English poet of the 14^th century. He wrote a poem called ‘The Parlement of Fowls’, parlement meaning a house or room. This famous work, published around the 1380’s, introduced a romantic meaning to the celebration of Valentine’s day. Most countries on Planet Earth appear to have some type of Valentine’s Day recognition, not necessarily held on February 14^th, however—and a half dozen or so countries do not celebrate it at all. 

Your Four Plus Four

 

According to motivational speaker Jim Rohn, you are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time, one reason that children tend to copy behaviors of their parents/care providers. Since you spend all your time with yourself, you are one of those five. Who are the other four? Are they individuals who are also living a Longevity Lifestyle? Are they affirming to your brain’s innate ‘bent’ and are not only helping you be successful in the long term but also rejoice when you are? These individuals influence you in many different ways from your level of cheerfulness, weight, the habits you develop, the behaviors you exhibit (e.g., smoking), the goals you set, and the things you think and talk about. One person framed this in a nutshell: If you and your plus four are positive-minded and believe in taking responsibility for your life, you will tend to become a proactive individual who shapes your future. Conversely, if you and your plus four are pessimistic and believe there’s little worthwhile in life and others are out to get you, you will tend to swirl down into a negative whirlpool, even if initially you were a more positive person. It may sound harsh, but your longevity and overall success has a great deal to do with those you select for your Plus Four.

Listen to my weekly podcast https://anchor.fm/arlene-r-taylor

Questions to Ask Yourself

 

1.     Am I spending too much time on some types of social media and comparing yourself with what others claim they have?

2.     Am I clear that I teach my brain what is rewarding and therefore I can reteach it what is truly rewarding?

3.     After being on social media do I feel negative, sad, deprived, or inadequate, all of which are unhelpful mindsets?

4.     Am I clear that each brain differs and that I teach my brain what is rewarding and can reteach it if my out-of-balance reliance on social media is giving me negative consequences now or is likely to in the future?

5.     Am I clear that ‘comparisons are odious’ as the old saying goes and that envy and jealousy can derail me and actually destroy my life?

6.     Do I often wonder if I am ‘missing out’ or am I clear that no one can ‘do it all’ or ‘have it all’ and that I need to be selective for what works for my brain—including developing a relationship with myself?

7.     Do I spend so much time on social media sites that I ‘miss out’ on living a balanced Longevity Lifestyle and accomplishing my goals?

8.     Do I connect with others or overspend just to feel included or valuable instead of realizing that my worth is a state of ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’?

9.     Do I have my own goals and projects that work for my brain or am I trying to be affirmed or succeed by hanging on to someone else’s coattails, beliefs, or attitudes or by trying to live life vicariously through them?

 Course-correct (change the way you think and behave) as needed! 

Positive Thinking

How do you develop a positive thinking style? I am in the habit of thinking negatively.

I appreciate your honesty. Many people think negatively but would never admit that. Negative thinking fills your brain’s working memory with failure and discouragement. Every time you get a negative thought, ask yourself if this is a clue there is something for you to change, work on, or do differently. If not, immediately think of something for which to be thankful. It can be a small thing like: “Arlene, you are thankful you had one of your favorite meals for lunch today.” Gratitude is the antidote for negativity. You may need to ask yourself some questions to help you identify where you are now and where you want to go—and then work on taking small steps each day to get there.

Get busy creating and maintaining a Longevity Lifestyle that works for your brain, goals, and objectives for how you want to spend your time on this planet—which goes by very quickly.