Enmeshed Parenting, Five

Make no mistake, enmeshed and unwise parenting can occur with mothers or fathers and with daughters as well as sons. If the child grows up mental and emotionally and tries to separate from the stifling parental relationship, although the child may like some of the perks enmeshment gives them, the parent may try some strategy to retain the enmeshed relationship. Either parent can ‘live vicariously’ through a child, especially if their child (even in adulthood) is doing something the parent would have liked to do. Once the parent clearly understands that his or her behaviors are designed to obtain personal rewards and have nothing to do with healthy functional parenting, there is a chance the parent may get some good counseling and decide to get on with their own life. If the parent learns new strategies and begins the process of disconnecting from the enmeshed relationships, suggesting strategies for the child to use to learn to become a more resilient and self-sufficient adult, the child may begin to act out: at age 25, or 35, or 45 or… Some adult children even threaten suicide if the parent begins to disentangle from the enmeshment or shows signs of wanting to develop close friendships with adults of their own age.