1. I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
2. I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
3. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
4. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
5. If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
6. Money is the root of all wealth.
7. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
8. I thought my brain was really unique until someone told me that every brain is.