You don't say!

If you can smile when things go wrong, you may have someone in mind to blame.

 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local community swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

 

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

 

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

 

I'm great at multi-tasking; I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Artificial intelligence is often fixable; stupidity is not.