ACEs & Relationships

I had a really painful childhood. I can’t forgive my mother and my sperm doner. Been married three times. Have not had a plethora of friends. Been told I have no empathy. I avoid feelings but frequently explode with anger. So, I periodically hook up and have sex but otherwise stay pretty isolated. Is there some connection?

It sounds like you experienced the aftermath of what is being referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACEs. If you were damaged in childhood and have no empathy and struggle identifying the difference between emotions and feelings, it may be difficult for you to experience a really genuine relationship. My guess is you have a low level of trust and a hair-trigger anger that leaks out any time you perceive or imagine someone is in anyway criticizing or putting your down. Then you lash out, say and do things you later wish you hadn’t, and fail to recognize when someone offers you a genuine and loving friendship. This tendency will continue until you heal your past woundedness and forgive—not for sake of your “mother” or “sperm doner,” but for your own health and wellbeing. More tomorrow.