Highly introverted individuals may feel that any surprise is too intense or provides too much stimulation. Others feel safer when they are in control and feel anxious about anything outside of their control. Still others are afraid they might embarrass themselves with their response to a surprise event. There are also those who feel “unworthy” of a surprise due to low self-esteem. Others are anxious for fear of the unknown (e.g., brains with ADHD, OCD, or on the Spectrum) or hate to be the center of attention. Because not every brain responds the same to surprises, I often tell the individual that I would like to celebrate their birthday, anniversary, graduation or a new job, and ask if the date and time will work for them. This way they know something is going to happen but exactly what it is can be the surprise. Sometimes we even agree on the “surprise” in advance. I see no point in doing something that will be stressful to their brain instead of happily rewarding.
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