Bumper Stickers

• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

• Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids Calling

• You have the right to remain silent—anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

• The bird’s not dead—but it is electroencephalographically challenged. 

• Saw it... Wanted it... Threw a fit... Got it!... Now what?