F-O-O Work

Studies have indicated that only thirty percent of how we relate to others, especially close friends, partners, spouses, and sexual relationships, has to do with the other person. Seventy percent has to do with our personal past history, which for most people appears to go largely unexplored and uninvestigated. Family-of-origin work can be very helpful in looking at the relationship patterns in the present generation and then back three or four generations, if it is possible to get information. Were JOT behaviors exhibited? What were the patterns of shame and guilt? Was healthy shame and healthy guilt exhibited as a rule or not? Did family members take responsibility for their mistakes and apologize as necessary or did they tend to blame others as the cause of all their problems. Figuring this out can provide some clues about behaviors that you may have “come by honestly” but that you can choose to alter.