Brain & Rejection

 I am terrified of rejection. It may have begun when my dad left the family suddenly when I was five years old, and we never saw or heard from him again. I felt like I must have contributed to his leaving. Now, I can’t even ask a girlfriend to lunch for fear she’ll say no. What can I do? 

It is unrealistic for a five-year-old child to be responsible for an adult bailing from parental responsibilities—although it often happens, as the judgement and analysis portion of the pre-frontal lobes are not anywhere close to being developed and matured. If a trusted adult had been available to help you realize that it was your dad’s choice alone, you might have been able to let go of that perception much earlier. If you are willing to work through that perception with a counselor now, and let it go, it can be very helpful to you for the rest of our adult life. You are under no obligation to accept every invitation you receive. This means that others have the same right for any number of reasons that might not include any actual rejection. I would guess that you have not accepted every invitation in your life for any number of reasons. More tomorrow.