Live at joy and when a protective emotions surfaces, deal with it timely and effectively. Then walk back up the metaphorical emotions staircase to Joy. Using the new and more effective style, talk your way back up as needed. Stop talking about the old behavior and only talk about the behavior you want to have happen. Talk to yourself and to others using ‘your name’ plus ‘you’ and short, positive, present-tense words. For example:
- “Jim, you say ‘excuse me’ when leaving the table”
- “Remi, you pet the dog gently and kindly”
- “Toni, you walk in the morning for 20 minutes”
- "Pearl, you speak kindly to your sibling"
As your own EQ skills improve, the protective emotions are less likely to be triggered from learned anger, anxiety, or imaginary fears. You become less and less likely to exhibit JOT behaviors (Jumping to Conclusions, Overreacting, Taking things personally).