1.
Identify the boundary invasion: addressing a
boundary invasion appropriately helps reinforce respect for your own personal
space as well as that of others. Doing so definitely and graciously role-models
that retaliation need not be part of implementing and maintaining personal
boundaries.
2.
Verbalize calmly
and appropriately: “I’m mad I
was shoved. . . It’s important to avoid shoving. . .” Save any adult-style
personal discussions for your support system. Children’s brains are
insufficiently developed to cope with intense adult emotions and should not be
subjected to them—it can be frightening.
3. Be congruent: Keep your face calm without a smile
while verbalizing the above. Keep your posture somewhat stiff to emphasize this
is important. No joking, etc.
4. Exhibit a functional action: Take a couple of deep breaths. Avoid any
blame statements. Make it clear that you know what happened, got the
information, have addressed it, and now you are letting it go. This helps a child
to compare desirable versus undesirable behavior. Now is the time to smile
and be gracious. If forgiveness is appropriate and you have worked through
that, mention that you choose to forgive the person because you choose to be
healthy.
More tomorrow.
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