- · “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
- · On landing, the flight attendant said, "As you exit the plane, please be sure to gather all of your belongings and take them with you. If you insist on leaving something, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, as whatever is left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please, I beg of you, do not leave children or spouses!”
- · The airline had a policy requiring the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline’ speech. On this particular flight the pilot had hammered his ship into the runway really hard and was having a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that there would be many smart comments. Finally all had disembarked except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
She asked, "Did we land or were we shot down?"