For Lexophiles

I have several friends who are lexophiles. We all enjoy word play and trade examples. As you may know, a lexophile is a person who loves words; an individual who derives pleasure from various use of words; and if the words can be used in humor, so much the better.

Frog parking only—all others will be toad.

If your car is running, I’m voting for it.

What happens if you are scared half-to-death twice?

My wife says I never listen to her—or something like that.

Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

I visited the Hokey-Pokey Clinic—and turned myself around.

This is my step-ladder; I never knew my real ladder.

I’d like to grow my own food—do you have any idea where I can find bacon seeds?

Did you hear about the man in boxers who led police on a brief chase?

   You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.